Metamorphosis

A change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one.

I’ve found the journey of a butterfly resonating so strongly with me this year. And no, not in a cheesy I’m going to tattoo a butterfly on my ankle kind of way. This year has had a staggering impact, not just on me personally, but the entire world. It’s been a year of contrasts. You’ve seen the best in people, and the worst. We’ve done nothing, and yet changed in monumental ways. 

This brings me back to those butterflies…I crawled into my little cocoon last year. I pulled my kids out of in-person schooling, I canceled all my travel plans, cleared my social calendar, and settled into a new normal. Home school, working from home, connecting with friends without being able to see them in person. This wasn’t fluid. I struggled against it, feelings of frustration and sadness, despair, and guilt wrestled within me. Feeling so disconnected, yet at the same time knowing that I was unified with others going through those same emotions.

I dug deep into solitude and found something more in me changing. I found ways to embrace this new slowness in life. The lack of social commitments became a new freedom to explore the things that make me happy. Instead of struggling to fit into a concept of time created by the box of society I was free to follow my inner clock. Creativity that had been paralyzed by anguish at what was being lost started to come back to me slowly. I started to find a new peace being alone, to be able to hear the voices in my head that I often quiet with the rush of life. Connecting with myself and others at a deeper level. Relationships now evaluated by depth and not just convenience. 

Time is a funny thing…so many things we go through require it to process. I appreciate this time I’ve had in my cocoon this past year. While it might have appeared still and quiet from the outside, inside so many changes were happening. As I close the chapter of 2020 I see a year that was absolutely transformative. I don’t regret this time we had to slow down, evaluate, organize, contemplate who we are, who we want to be, and what makes us happy. I’m going into 2021 not expecting things to be all sunshine and rainbows…but I feel better prepared to look for those rainbows and appreciate the rain. It’s going to be an interesting year. I’m feeling an energy to create that is almost exploding. And yes, I do feel like these wings are ready to fly!