Waves of love is OBVIOUSLY about love. But not your fairytale love: real love, in all its different forms. And let’s be honest, love isn’t all butterflies and happiness. It’s often pain and sadness, heart-wrenching, gutting sadness that leaves you shattered on the floor.
2022 was hands down one of the most difficult years I’ve experienced. I know I’m not alone in that. It brought some good things. Changes for me, and for those I care about. New opportunities, jobs, some reality that just seemed like dreams. I lost some people that left holes, gained some others that fit into different spaces, never the same. There were moments that I felt so very proud, watching the men my boys are becoming, feeling like I’ve had some small part in that. But in general, 2022 felt like climbing an uphill mountain the entire year. And the year ended with my feeling crushed, like the bones in my body are dissolving and it was a struggle each day to keep putting one foot in front of another. Life is challenging. I felt very alone last year. I can be in a room full of people, but I’m the only one inside my head, and that’s not been the best place lately.
Waves of Love is about the different emotions that love brings us. Elation, hope for the future, joy, peace, and the darker emotions of fear, loss, breath-stealing sadness. They crash into us, knock us off our feet, pull us underwater, or they lift us up, push us forward, allowing us to glide across the glass-like waters.
I guess this series is a reminder of what I’m I’m hoping the new year will bring: smiles, shared moments, things that once shared become treasured memories.
I’m still trying to find ways to keep getting out of bed. I struggle with anxiety. My mental health is not the greatest, but I’m actually proud that I can share that with you. I embrace it because it’s a sign of how deeply I’m able to feel. It’s not something to be hidden or embarrassed of. It’s taken me years to feel like that, to be able to share that. I can say things with art that words are too small for. With color, I paint my emotions for all to see, like wearing my heart on my sleeve.
I’ve always had so many plans, ideas, hopes like bright sparkly stars in the sky to reach for. This year, it felt more like a dark cloud filling all the spaces around me, choking out the stars. The waves have been overwhelming, washing over me until it feels like I can’t breathe. But I can still see the stars, and I reach for them, fingers straining above my head as I look up from under the water and I see them glimmer above me.
So come with me, another year of riding the waves. Let them crash into us, over us, through us, but let’s look for them to lift us up, propel us forward, and give us the ride of our lives. Because these waves are love, simple, complicated, love.